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14 May 2008
OWHC VETS TOUR TO PRINSENBEEK
A motley selection of regular and guest OW's attended the above Festival at the end of April/early May 2008 hosted by the excellent Prinsenbeek Club near Breda coinciding with the nearby local Jazz Festival. Out of a total of 21 Clubs the OW's finished a creditable 10th against a number of very decent regular veteran sides and scored some goals! The weather was brilliant, the organisation superb as ever in Holland, the company [except Bill Esterson over with Herne Bay] engaging a bit like Jackie and Pete Wright! [No offence meant Bill if you should read this!] Spread over 3 days 10 different sides were played in games of about 25 minutes so cramp and stiffness became an issue late in the day. In fact in our case it was an issue first thing in the morning as well. In patches, the OW's played some very decent hockey with Ed Morton and Clive Whittington prominent in midfield, and ,as ever Peter Wright always dangerous up front. Even Kevin Haselden [5th XI Captain extraordinaire] stopped the ball once! The OW's best performance was probably in their last match against a strong Eastcote side{when are'nt they?} narrowly losing a well fought encounter.
A terrific weekend was had by all I hope thanks to all who attended especially Kevin H who was principal organiser and to the drivers, Dick and Geoff [beer managers], Jackie, for being growly bear in the mornings and happy bear in the afternoons!
Tour Party: Chan Patel, Peter King, Pete Meyers, Paul Judge, Kevin Haselden, Peter Klein, Rav Choda, Ed Morton, Clive Whittington, Stuart Seymour{Vets Virgin], Peter Wright, Jackie C, Dick Whittington, Geoff Lee and the lovely Sue Klein [non masseuring masseuse!]
RESULTS.
v Olton and WW Won 4-2 Wright Whittington Choda Seymour
v Salisbury Strollers Lost 0-3
v Schwarz Weiss Pinguine[Cologne] Lost 0-1
v St Albans Centurions Lost 2-5 Klein Wright
v Thames Valley Won 4-0 Wright 2 Seymour Klein[pen]
v Bedford Achilles Draw 1-1 Klein
v Flamingos Won 3-2 Wright Klein[pen] Choda
v Nasty Purple Nasties[Bournemouth]-eventual winners- Lost 1-2 Choda
v Bangers Won 2-0 Wright Seymour
v Eastcote Lost 0-1.
Cheers Guys and Girls
Pete Meyers.
18 March 2008
Tales from bygone days – when sticks were made of wood and bullying started a game, not a court case.
Isn’t it great that each generation thinks they have ‘discovered’ something new? These lads from the 1st XI reckon it’s a big adventure to travel somewhere without sat nav, and worry about the location of the nearest supermarket? In my day, away games were adventures, and invariably ended in the pub, win or lose.
Coming home from Cliftonville one evening, I called into a petrol station on the Thanet Way, went inside to pay, and came out to find my amusing mates (Tim Wright had a hand in this, I recall) had driven off in my car. So I sat down at the side of the road to await their sheepish return. Along came a fellow in a damn great Cadillac Eldorado and offered me a lift. The front seat of this thing was about eight feet wide, and occupied by the driver and his very attractive girlfriend – who was I to refuse such a kind offer? I jumped in, and found that her parents were in the back, about 15 feet away. Off we barrelled down the road in pursuit of my car, only to see it belting back towards us. ‘There they are’ cried I, whereupon my new mate swung the beast round across the highway and set off in pursuit again.
By the time this behemoth built up some speed and got back to the petrol station, my team mates were already pulling out, figuring that I must have got a lift – so off we went again until the Yank finally caught up with my (curiously unworried) thieving friends.
Strangely enough, another trip to Cliftonville provided further ammunition to confirm that the ‘good old days’ were more fun. Travelling in convoy, for once, (yes, the Willies’ habit of meeting at the School like a team, then all belting off in different directions without clear directions is not a new phenomenon), I noticed that Pete Meyers’ car in front had a flat tyre. Meyers, of course, is so laid back that he probably thought it would be ok until the next service in three months time, so we gingerly pulled alongside and politely indicated that perhaps it would be a good idea if he were to pull in at the next lay-by. “Pull over you ***t”, is a close approximation of the exact words used, and can be completed as the reader wishes and according to the breadth of their vocabulary and imagination.
Meyers quickly got the message and, within ten miles, found a suitable spot to rest. Observing his right rear tyre to be knackered, he chucked all the kit bags out of the boot to find the spare tyre was equally flat, and bald to boot! It’s been like that for a while, says the hapless one, as four extra players piled into my car to attempt the final run to the seaside.
Working for a Ford dealer has usually meant that I’ve had access to some nice cars – an all-new Escort RS2000 comes to mind, that I proudly brought along to our New Road car park meeting place for some trip to Sussex. For some reason, the convoy all went via Wateringbury (probably to collect Clive Whittington) and got stuck in an almighty traffic jam. As the minutes to our start time ticked away, I made the executive decision that we’d have to change in the car on the way. The guy in the back managed to fold down some of the rear seat to access his kit, and got ready. As the traffic moved at crawling pace, my front seat passenger (Dave Tickner, I believe) climbed over to the rear and swapped places, drawing concerned looks from those behind. So far, so good. It was then my turn – handing the wheel of my new RS2000 to whoever it was in the passenger seat, I too climbed over and started to get undressed. Legs and elbows everywhere, I eventually got enough clothes on to take account of where we were and was concerned to find that, although we continued to crawl along at 15 mph in second gear, the rest of the traffic in front had cleared.
It was about then that it dawned on me that our ‘driver’ couldn’t actually drive.
I managed to scare Pete King almost to speechlessness one day – we we’re doubling up on two away matches, me to play, he to umpire – and the timing was a bit tight. Fortunately, I was running an Escort Cosworth at the time, Auralis Blue – I loved that car…. so was merrily belting down country roads when we came across a bit of a queue. No problem, thinks I, as we gun the Cossie down a fairly steep hill to clear the slower-moving vehicles. Remarkably, the one car coming the other way is another Cosworth, equally keen to get somewhere fast. Self preservation kicked in and we managed to avoid a very expensive coming together – but Kingy still remembers that moment!
Other classic awayday stories may have to wait, but who else can remember driving around Le Touquet on the roof of (the late) Keith Richens’ battered old Ford Zephyr? It had been a BBC camera car, so had footsteps set into the sides, and a little rail around the (strengthened) roof which we could hold on to with one hand whilst waving to the pretty French girls.… happy, pre ‘elf ‘n safety days.
Of course, travelling to Croydon with Kevin Haselden and receiving a call from Anchorians asking why we weren’t at our pitch was a prize time (we were a week early for Croydon..), arriving somewhere with two ‘keepers (but no kit for them) was a bit special, and I’m sure that a very well-known club man with two playing sons today once wrote the classic insurance claim “whilst turning right onto Star Hill, I hit the ‘no right turn’ sign”, after a training session made him extra thirsty.. Then there was the time that Russell Race clattered into the goal in trying to clear the ball and broke the frame so it collapsed around him - we had to wait for the game on the next pitch to finish so we could complete ours… why Russell didn’t see the funny side, I’ll never understand.
Kevin Haselden lost his trousers in Gravesend once, after pulling someone’s bag out of his estate car, leaving them in the middle of the road. He got lucky, though, as some kind woman found them and phoned him up to retrieve them. I, of course, managed to repatriate mine and Jackie’s passports when sending my hockey kit home early from Prinsenbeek a couple of years ago, the plan being to free up some boot space in my car for those of us that were staying for an extra day. So back to the UK came our passports in Kevin’s car – I wasn’t overly worried, thinking that he’d be able to provide the numbers or fax a copy out to us. I called him to find he’d left the bags at Cooling and driven to Oxford on a promise. Fortunately, the Customs lady took pity on us at Calais and accepted Jackie’s Tesco Clubcard as proof we weren’t drug smugglers.
Anyway, Kenny, you’ve got plenty of time ahead to experience the lighter side of awaydays with the Old Willies so keep us up to date with your travails in the Regional League next season.
Peter Wright (with apologies to those unfairly, but accurately, maligned).
12 March 2008
Away With The Ones
Well there you have it, another away game season draws to a close with some good moments, some bad, some not worth mentioning.
Last weeks victory against Crawley marked the 1st XI's last away match of the season and, much like Kevin in the wonder years, I would now
like to now give a sentimental look back over the little adventures that have been our away treks and give you a flavour of how much fun that
part of the season has been.
In fact often they are not so much away games as mini adventures, Road Trips if you will. Indeed that is what they felt like as no matter
where we went, whether it be the depths of Sussex or to Anchorians, it seems that the meet time set by the skipper was 11 am for a 1.30 start
making sure that the Road trip last's the whole day and we have some time to visit the local supermarket.
His excuse for this is that Luke Jefferies is always late so if he says 11am then we might get to Anchorians by 1.30.
I am not to sure of that, but I do know that if I were to waste a Saturday morning travelling to a place to get there really early and wait
around for hours in the foyer of a supermarket, there is no better bunch of people that I could do it with. Well maybe the entire female cast
of Hollyoaks, or the New
York Giants Cheerleading Squad, or that fit women's team from Newhaven, you get the picture.....
As is the way in all good
Hollywood movies, Road Trips are filled with highs, lows, tender moments and more often than not, triumphs over
adversity. The Willies
1st XI trips are no exception to this. Highlights include:-
* Exploring pretty much all of greater London on our way to HSBC because the map straddled 2 pages in the map book and the road that we
were
following was obstructed by a staple,
* Managing to get anywhere on such a measly petrol allowance (this baffles Chris Coomber every week)
* Putting the 3 most geographically inept members of the team in the same car (which also happens to be the slowest) and then driving off at a
vast rate of knots, leaving them to find their own way.(this is the equivalent of blindfolding a duckbilled platypus spinning it round
100 times and asking it to pin a tail on a Donkey, good sport but you know its never going to happen)
* Luke Jefferies and railways, enough said (this is one of those triumphs over adversity moments for the lad, finding your way out of a
station can be tricky, much easier to start trying to get out of a paper
bag and work your way up....)
But it's not just getting lost or waiting for the hydrogen fuel cell to be invented that makes our Road Trips so enjoyable. You get to find
out so much more about your colleagues as well and a better bunch of folk you could not wish to walk round a supermarket in a different county
with (except for the entire female cast of Hollyoaks etc....)
Some of the more surprising discoveries of the season include Chris Molds stunt driving abilities and Jeff Doust's amazing ability to sniff
out a bargain in any supermarket in the land (even if he is getting close to carrying on the Gus Brady mantle of champion of brown)
Some of the more tender moments of the away day adventures have centred around James Gomme's stories of why his lovely now fiancé Leanne had
slapped him on that particular morning.
Favourites include slapping him because she reversed his car into a bollard, slapping him for describing to the team the fit new employee at
his office in great detail and slapping him because he bought orange juice that was made from home grown English oranges, which everyone knows
taste funny, just go to google and type in English oranges, this will tell you all you need to know.
However it's the look in his eyes when he tells us of his morning slap before the 11 o'clock meet (yes that's right 11 o'clock) always
starting the story with "don't tell Leanne I told you but...." I have
never seen anyone recount so many stories of being beaten up by a woman with
such affection and love in their eyes.
The tenderest moment of the away game season though has to be awarded to Graham Lee. He finally broke down some barriers to his inner self on
the last Road Trip, and it was quite touching to see the hard man sweeper finally get off his chest that no matter how hard he tries, how
much
of a success he makes of himself, how many goals he scores, how much money he spends on football memorabilia for his father or how big his
trouser snake gets, he will always be second best to his brother in every way humanly possible, ever, ever.... especially in his parents eyes, ever.
It was touching to see him in floods of tears (well it would have been touching if he was not at the wheel of car I was in at the time with
him barely able to see where he was going due to his blubbering. That is really only the type of dangerous driving a professional stuntman or
Chris Mold should attempt) telling the rest of the people in the car how much he wants and needs affection and love but is outclassed at every
avenue by his Chinese studying younger brother who lives in
Wales. (There is a Jerry Springer episode in there somewhere)
There are many life altering moments in ones existence and I am privileged that I could be there to witness this one in Graham's. Remember
mate, no matter how bad it seems, how much you may feel on your own or how inadequate you are in relation to your brother in every way, ever, we
are all here for you buddy and can see you through it. Unless the entire female cast of Hollyoaks etc...make themselves available for
selection, then we will drop you like a stone and watch you drown in your
own self pity, but until then we are here for you.
Other memorable moments include Gary Bage's first words (you never forget their first words do you) and the way Mark King has made such an
effort with away games this season, he has really pulled his finger out, although that has become easier for him to do since they started
supplying their own lube (maybe Jeff is not brown champion after all?).
This season has seen a coming of age for James
Pentecost, he passed his driving test and is now well on his way to getting his first
girlfriend by the time he turns 30. Away games provide a much welcomed
platform for the lad to receive advice from the team on the way to treat women, with the still married Stuart Gray (didn't see that happening, thought she could've done better by now!!) showing that he lays down the law to
his missus by telling her that holidays can only happen between the days of Sunday and Friday (not sure he will be having sex for a while though).
There are some people in the 1's though that prepare thoroughly for away games. Andy Routledge for example the night before games packs a
whole bag of camping equipment, (just in case he finds himself in James Gomme's car with Luke Jefferies and Gary Bage (they could be missing for
days)) he also marks on a map where the ground is, the nearest 4 hospitals to it, their specialisms and the quickest routes to them (just
in
case he tries to tackle anyone in the game).
Admittedly these stories do not seem as much fun as the ones that we hear in the bar from days gone by, Terry Doust recounting how much easier
it became to get to away matches after the wheel was invented and Peter Wright having us in stitches telling us about the day the wheel fell
off the wagon and Clives horse refused to move, meaning they all had to jump into Geoff Lees new "horseless carriage"
But ours are fun stories none the less and have defiantly added to my personal pleasure of playing this season with such a great bunch of lads.
P.S. the willies 1st XI guide to Sussex supermarkets is now available, £11.99 in all good bookshops.
Please consider the environment before printing this email.
Kenny
3 March 2008
Hey Pulse... Could you ,on behalf of all who attended , thank Kenny and his clan for a terrific race nite on Friday - it was a great crack and a good idea to keep the betting simple. The upshot meant a profitable night for the club and the bar. Well done Kenny, nice one and thanks to everyone from all the sections who attended. Cheers...
Pete Meyers.
20 January 2008
Hi to you all. Having now passed the half way stage of this season, I thought I would update you on some financial matters of the club.
Those of you who were at the AGM last year will know that it had not been possible to present any accounts for last season. I can advise you that they have been completed and are with our club auditor, Peter Meyers for auditing. After our large loss for the season 05/06, I am pleased to advise that the club finances have been stabilised and we have shown a small profit of just over £100.00 for the year. This was not without a lot of effort by me, in collecting monies owed from players during the summer. To give you some idea what was involved, I can advise you that I have collected over £400.00, after our financial year(31/7/07) ended. At this moment in time there are just two players, who owe money to the club from last season, between them they owe £156.50. The committee has decided not to allow either of these two to be selected for games until they repay their debt. I can confirm that all finance sheets for the year were accounted for.
Now after all this effort, I had hoped that there would be a better response on paying match fee's on the day of the game and all subs would be paid by the 31/10/07 for this season. Sadly no, despite much prompting from myself this has not happened. The current position after the first half of the season, with 3 finance sheets still outstanding from the 3rd team for November and 1 from the 1st team for December, is as follows:
There are a total of 19 players (all from the men's section) who owe match fee's - 2 of these players owe money from September.
There are 11 players(1 only from the ladies section, who has only just played 6 games, the number of games when players are expect to pay their sub's) who owe sub's.
This simply is not acceptable. I would ask these of you who owe these monies to pay up promptly when you are shortly chase for them.
When match fee's are not paid on the day of the game, this requires a lot of effort by officials of the club, namely your captain and myself, in having to keep a record of this debt and chase it up later. I would remind you all that the officials of this club give their time voluntary to carry out their duties and its not right that this added burden, which is not a pleasant job, should be added to their duties.
I would ask you all when getting ready for your game, that when you pick up your stick, you ask yourself "have I got my Match fee". Further how about making sure you pay your match automatically, with out the need for your captain to have to ask you for it. If you unfortunately miss paying one week, then please pay the following week, with out having to be chased.
Can I leave all you "in the men's section" with this question - How come there was not one missed match fee payment in both the ladies 1st and 2nd teams in the first half of this season!!!!!!"
Clive Whittington
Treasurer
PS one more moan. Peter put a lot of effort in sending out Club contact detail forms with his pre season letter, why is it I have only received 14 from the men's section and 8 from the ladies section. It is important that the club has up-to-date contact details, so that we can communicate with you. For instance, Kevin who arranged the Xmas inter club game would have found it much easier if he could email every one rather than ring round!!! Shortly I will be passing to your captains a re-issued form for those of you who have not returned yours yet. Could I please ask you to ensure the details on them are correct, amending as necessary and then give them back to your captain. Also I would request if any of your details change in the future please advise the club so that our records can be updated for you.
4 November 2007
Open Letter to ALL players Re – Availability
We are now some 10 weeks into the season, and your Chairman of Selectors, Stuart Seymour, your hard-working Captains, and I have sat through10 Wednesday evening meetings to agree 5 men’s teams for the following Saturday.
Every week to date, we have had at least a complete ‘team’ of players that have been unavailable for some reason or another. At one point we had 15 players unwilling to commit themselves.
I am bound to say that this is simply not good enough.
If you are dedicated to your sport and your Club, you make yourself available – full stop. If you are not dedicated, you go shopping, or boozing, or whatever lame excuse you wish, but please do not expect to play when there are others who will turn up every week, for whatever eleven that they are asked to play for.
Acceptable (to me) reasons for not being
available –
1) Death
2) n/a
3) n/a
Peter Wright
Chairman OWHC
12 September 2007
Striking tips - How people who do not understand all striking strategies may so easily confuse them with the characteristics of Divot.
Having read the 1st XI match report for the Folkestone game on the 8th September I feel inclined to point out a few facts that may have confused some team members and led them to incorrectly award their Divot vote.
Indeed Sun Tzu was a brilliant military strategist, and should not be one dismissed lightly, however the confusion in the striking tactics that were employed on Saturday for my return game were taken from "The Art of War" by Niccolò Machiavelli (can you believe there are two different books with the same title? A bit like the Hawkenbury thing it can lead to all manor of confusion), a much more modern take (by about 1000 years) on war strategies that is widely regarded as the basis for Napoleons victories, who conquered the world not just the city of Ying!! (What or where is Ying you may ask, exactly would be my reply)
Indeed Machiavelli states:- "The greatest remedy that is used against a plan of the enemy is to do voluntarily what he plans that you do by force" This would indeed explain missing an open goal from 12". Given the choice the opposition would want to force opposition players into missing the target from that distance. By missing voluntarily it affords a player more space in the D in future, to exploit their talents.
This is compounded by Machiavelli's assertion:- "There is nothing as likely to succeed as what the enemy believes you cannot attempt." A reference that can be demonstrated by the wide range of audacious passing manoeuvres that could come off using the extra space gained by that player, perhaps even setting up at least 4 of the 5 goals scored in a game, which when properly examined by misinformed players, should in fact reverse all Divot votes to Man of the Match votes.
Machiavelli also has wise words in the field of showing spirit and fire (that could sometimes be demonstrated in modern times by heated discussions with umpires) declaring:- "In the armies, and among every ten men, there must be one of more life, of more heart, or at least of more authority, who with his spirit, with his words, and with his example keeps the others firm and disposed to fight." Showing that if one player takes up an issue with an official it keeps the others from doing so and would at the very least demonstrate "life" and "heart" and be "using his words as examples". I can see how this may easily be confused as petulance and childishness. But, as I am sure you can appreciate when put in context, is exactly the opposite and so should be no where near a reason to award him a Divot vote, more a consideration to award him with a Man of the Match for an unparalleled act of heroism.
To be honest not taking up such issues goes against the further Machiavellian principle of:- "It is much better to tempt fortune where it can favour you than to see your certain ruin by not tempting it." Surely if this one player shows his "life" and "heart" to the officials enough and "tempts that fortune", an umpire will one day change his decisions in that players favour? Not doing so is "certain ruin".... I hope that by reading this and noting the difference between the two authors "Arts of War" (yes there are two different books of the same title, much like the same way there are two Hawkesbury's in Kent (and I still cant quite believe that)) you will agree that there is a fine line between awarding Divot and Man of the Match for those with less experience. I will forgive you all for this week, but please try and be more astute in future....
Ken Mackness
12 July 2007
Dear OWHC
I was browsing through the pages of your sight and it brought back many memories to me. As an Old Williamsonian and also an ex hockey player ( I was the mad man who used to play in goal) it is great to see some ( well quite a few ) familiar faces ranging from ex classmates ( Graham Brady and Jeff Doust ) to ex teachers ( The one and only Martin Futter) to the trustworthy players that I used to have in front of me ( Brian Phipps, Peter King, to name a couple)
It is great to see that the club is still doing well although it seems strange to have OW ladies teams ( but that is progress for you).
I will keep an interested eye on the web as alas I now live in Leicester to see how the old school are getting on.
If anybody remembers me and wants to get in touch drop me a line at ( andrewjamesdbrown@hotmail.com)
Yours in sport
Andrew Brown
( 1982-1988)
9 March 2007
AWAY GAMES TO TUNBRIDGE WELLS - IMPORTANT INFORMATION
Dear All, I would like to point out to everyone in the club, how perilous an away trip to TUNBRIDGE Wells can be and point out that you do not want to get duped by technology as can so easily happen.
It would appear that there are in fact TWO Hawkenburys in Kent. Yes I kid you not TWO. And although one of them may not be anywhere near Tunbridge Wells, this is a fact that your routefinder software may not be aware of.
This could lead to any number of away game drivers becoming lost or confused if they feel they are following correct instructions. Indeed if you find yourself driving past Aerodromes, random men walking about in tweed carrying fishing rods or a field full of Llamas you have defiantly gone the wrong way to Tunbridge Wells.
This is easily done and could happen to anyone, honestly anyone, and may lead to comments from passengers such as "if we stop and ask someone the way will they answer in French" or "I needed the toilet 2 hours ago but was to frightened to ask to stop".
I hope that now by being the first person in the club to test how far the TWO (yes TWO) Hawkenburys are apart I have fully demonstrated to other club members, before they make a similar mistake (which would is easy to do), that if you go to the wrong Hawkenbury (apparently there are TWO, in case you didn't know) you cannot get to the right one in time to play your match and as such you will forfeit the points. This is a very important point to make and for people to be aware of.
I wish to make it clear to all that I don't want to receive any praise or thanks for doing this, it is enough for me just to know that by uncovering this two Hawkenbury phenomenon and trying out such a daring experiment of getting from one to the other in time, any future errors by drivers to away games at Tunbridge Wells should be avoided, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, if you go to the wrong Hawkenbury now, you would be seen as a complete plank and perhaps win divot of the season (maybe for the next 5 seasons).
I also hope now to draw some of the "navigational blunders" heat away from James Gomme, as I have noticed that it has been affecting his game (see 1XI results) and because I am such a good team player. But that is all in a days work for such a committed club member, I just hope that other club members can follow such a good example (although before you do follow it make sure there is not more than one good example when running it through the route finding computer).
As I am now recognised as an
experienced away game driver (based on miles travelled). I would also
like to give out my top tips to away team drivers going on what I like
to call a "road trip" to away games:-
* Use an off road vehicle - you never know....
* Fill up with petrol before you go and make sure you take a > couple
of extra gerry cans full with you.
* Do not phone up your team mates who are already there and try
and explain to them where you are every 5 minutes, this just serves to
annoy them.
* Bring with you phrase books for at least 155 different countries.
* Take a tent and a book of matches, or at the very least 2 flints.
* Stock up on plenty of supplies or make sure you take the largest
person in the team with you. In case you get really lost and have to
eat them, they will last longer and involve you killing less team
mates.
* Never believe computers.
Follow these simple instructions and you cannot go far wrong, or you could just take Stewart Seymour in the car with you as he is an away game expert and I believe has travelled to every away ground this season, twice.
Kenny (The clever Mackness brother)
24 January 2007
Dear all,
Have been busy of late raising chickens on my Andalucian farm near Granada, which is relaxing. However, I am perturbed, as news of the 1st XI demise has reached these shores. I hear Dalton and Mold are suffering from lumbago, constantly picking the ball out of the net. Gadzuks!! Not in my day with the Great Futtzino.
Things must change; so I'm offering my services on a "consultancy basis,". Every player must do their best. As my old Latin teacher, Mr. Lowe, would say "ductus exemplo," (leadership by example). Go forth, and do likewise.
Regards Norbert Espinosa. (aka Glenn Grunwell)
12 January 2007
All, Hope to see you all next Saturday at Bar Polka, it should be a good turn out. If anyone wants an actual, human invite that they can treasure and keep for posterity just let me know your address and I'll send you one. You never know, they might be worth a few bob when Monica's Dress hits the big time.
Also, I found out today myself to be a Fire Dragon* which I must say is way better than being a Metal Rooster.
Luke.
19 December 2006
All,
The Jefferies' thirtieth birthday approaches with the seeming alarcity of Road Runner after a particularily effective course of steroids and all the unavoidable momentum of a herd of stampeding elephants. But instead of being crushed under the pack of these onrushing, metaphorical pachyderms I seek to rear aloft like some modern day Tarzan and celebrate the day with a calm almost regal attitude.*
And I'd like you to be there.
The big do will be happening on the 20th January (it's a Saturday). I'd love to tell you where but I don't know yet. Once I've picked from the shortlist of venues you'll be the first to know. It'll be just like those illegal raves that used to go down back in the eighties and early nineties, people will know the vague area and that's something is going down but the organisers will only let people know just before to stop the police shutting them down before they had got going.
Not that there's anything illegal about my thirtieth party; it's all above board. Although I do have a slight fear that a piece of crystal is going to turn red in my hand and then Richard Jordan is going to come and terminate me for not going on the Carousel.**
Anyway, my point is that you should keep that evening free as whatever will be happening will be happening then.
Merry Christmas,
Luke.
conceptual and under no circumstances
will I be dressed in just a loincloth, beating my chest and talking to
chimpanzees.
Run. No? Please yourself.
9 November 2006
Well Matt Your report finally got to the web site!! Took a bloody long time to get there I must say!!! I assumed I was mentioned because Jeff put it as a "must mention" in your report - be warned its my turn to write the report for the 5's this weekend!!!!
You and Jeff do talk a load of dribble in your match reports. Still as you don't have the privilege of having won 4 and drawn 1 from your opening league matches, I suppose you really have nothing better to write about!!!.
It looks as though it can only get worse for you 1st and 2nd teams, with me being treasurer and players in your teams owing me money you could find you are soon to lose some of your players. Don't think you can pinch any more of our players as they don't want to play for you. Why Richard Cooper and Chris Mold would want to desert a winning team to play for a losing rabble like you lot I don't know!!.
From a happy 5's player.
9 November 2006
It is good to see that losing with good grace is still alive and kicking in the gentleman's game that is hockey.
I can appreciate that your first eleven can be disappointed with themselves for losing the recent cup match on penalty flicks, but I would have been very interested to read the opinion of the individual who wrote the match report had you won the flick contest.
Call it old school or just honest respect, but don't hurl insults about in your match reports in future, it doesn't do the reputation of your club any good.
Chris.Instone@repton.co.uk
Basingstoke HC
The above correspondence was received in response to the following match report ;
"Basingstoke (1) 5 : Old Wills (1) 4 HA Trophy - (Basingstoke won 5-4 after sudden death penalty strokes)
One can think of better ways to waste a Sunday other than travelling miles to play a rubbish game of hockey, including extra time and flicks and losing then having to travel miles home again. However, every cloud and that.
Basingstoke were pretty rubbish, but then again so were OWs. If you were watching this game you would have thought at times that you were watching 22 men trying a sport that they had never played before for a laugh on a Sunday afternoon.
The silver lining however came in the shape of James Pentecost, the latest product from the never ending conveyor belt of teenage talent that OWs have nurtured over the years. Touch control and vision were evident throughout the performance, topped off by Pentecost scoring the goal for OWs in normal time, a first time strike which flew in giving the Basingstoke keeper no chance. Pentecost was born in 1990. Jeff Doust made his 1st XI debut in 1988. Jeff Doust missed the crucial sudden death flick. If ever there was an advert for youth development.....
Despite 2 aways trips in 2 days, James Gomme did not get lost once. Is this a record?"
13 October 2006
I am writing with my Chairman of Selectors hat on to make the club aware of the problems we are having with team selections this season.
Regular unavailabilities make putting out five mens teams very difficult, and the problem is made harder by not having a captain of the 4th X1 to organise that team. Is there a volunteer to take on this task? It has fallen into my lap - with the help of Kevin Hazelden, to organise the team. Because of injuries/unavailabilities we have not been able to get a 4th team out for 2 league games and this cannot continue.
For the Saturday of 30th September, for example, we had 16 people unavailable who played the Saturday before. We cannot run 5 teams without regular commitment. Furthermore, my role as Chairman of Selectors - to implement a selection policy based on ability and availability - cannot be performed when we are "scratching around" for players, just to make up the numbers.
The situation should improve when injured players are playing again but I would like to be in a situation as Chairman of Selectors where I am discussing the merits of someone's performances rather than someone's availability/unavailability.
Step forward those potential 4th team skippers please!!
Martin Pinder
10 October 2006
Dear OWCH It has recently been brought to my attention that 2nd XI godfather and self styled friend of young boys Matthew Lockwood spends an inordinate time in the bathroom getting ready each morning. Whistling constantly in a Roger Whittaker/Bryan Ferry morphed combo, plucking the stray hairs forming around his shoulder blades, Matthew (aged 30) locks himself away for at least 40 minutes of self pleasure and mirror love before going to work. he then has no concept of time, space and where a train terminates, where he is or where he works. Have any other readers experienced this phenomenon with young Matthew?
PS - May I say how much I enjoy reading the 1st XI reports each week. The writer must be bordering on the genius.
All my love
Pat Bateman
6 May 2006
Just have to comment that as an ex-player of some years ago I must say that the OW’s website is superb and managed to while away most of my morning reading through all the interesting information on the player profiles.
I was also wondering if there was going to be any summer mixed games going on as I am returning to the country and was hoping to pick up some games? If you could let me know if I would be able to play that would be great.
Many thanks
Iain Byers
Assistant Field Hockey Coach,
Longwood University,
26 March 2006
Dear All.
Have been on here having a look around, and just want to advise that anybody thinking of doing some coaching, or if you are in two minds whether or not to go along to the Coaching days in August, my suggestion to you is, DEFINITELY go.
John Shaw was, and still is a world class player, and a fantastic coach. He coaches Southgate H.C. who I play in my league, and they are in playoffs to go to National Prem, so he is clearly an awesome coach too. I have learnt loads from him, he has been my coach before running some junior camps, and the things you will learn, WILL be very good. Well worth it.
Other than that, see you all at the dinner tonight.
PS, I think that some of the guys have not been mentioned, who I remember from my early Old Wills days. The blindingly obvious ones are; Trevor Jordan, Kevin Hazleden, Clive Alive, Pembo, and Goat man.
Regards Baz
13 March 2006
Smells Like Team Spirit – 1 XI style!!!!
Nothing keeps team spirit on its toes so much as lively debate. Fortunate, then, that the OW’s first XI agree on absolutely nothing, at all.
Combine eleven stubborn, obstinate,
highly volatile men that have an intent to have utter, polar
disagreement on everything, ever, with the fact that;
• 2 have to contend with bitter twisted sibling rivalry, not least
over who is the better drag flicker, who contributes most to the team,
who is better looking, who their mum likes best etc…
• 2 are clearly colour blind (unless I am mistaken and one of them
meant to dress all in light brown!!, but more of that later)
• several have what is most commonly known as Victor Meldrewism (this
is a general term used to describe those who have no particular reason
to moan, they just do),
• 1 although trying to hide it by becoming a professional dancer seems
to be suffering greatly with his own sexuality (if only there was an
OW United and an OW City he could play for!!),
• 1 obviously has no comprehension of how to tell the time, the
digital era not reaching his house and he shows no sign of being able
to use the analogue system!! Thus has no basis on which to argue
about, well anything really, especially how much he owes on his subs!!
(unless he can work his abacus, and he is gutted that hockey is a
winter sport as it means his sun dial only works intermittently)
• And one lives with Stuart Foster (kind of like a larger version of
men behaving badly, one assumes!!!)
In fact the only person who does not argue with anything is James Gomme, largely because the chairman has done an excellent job in grooming him (in a rather Paul Francis Gadd type way I might add) to say yes to everything!!!
Lucky Leanne I hear people cry!! And our Will Young admiring team mate would doubtless agree, especially after seeing the fantastic hip swirls in the warm ups, if only he really were black and did not just pretend with his vocabulary, word!!!
I fear however that I am rapidly taking up column inches that could more valuably be used to satisfy the match report writers “growing band of admirers”. This would be a travesty as he so near to getting that News of the World award for never letting detail get in the way of a good yarn!!!!
In fact, I hear his next piece will be on exposing 2 young Australian girls as desperate, all was going well, but just as he got to the point of convincing them he was attractive (he was undercover, in disguise) and taking them both home on his own, thus sealing the story, in true News of the World tradition he politely made his excuses and left!!!! (Honestly he didn’t bottle it!!)
Anyway enough of this, I will now get on with showing a few examples of subjects to dispute that perhaps the lower elevens could use as the foundations to foster their sense of team spirit and camaraderie!!! The road to comradeship can be found through 3 progressive stages.
We can start off with a beginners menu
of easy arguments, which you can use to get you into the spirit of
getting spirit!!! (Feel free to insert your own team members’ names
here, those used are for illustrative purposes only) Such as:-
• How much does Sam Piercy owe the club?
• Will Gommy hit the backboard?
• Who does the cooking after the game?
• Jeff Doust good player with the ability to roll back the years or
has-been turned gnarled up, bitter, washed up fleet street hack that
can only get a column in the local rag every
Saturday?
• What is the best shower gel?
• Where does Nockers go straight after matches? And who taught him how
to drive?
• How many flicks has Barry missed?
• Leon, is he, isn’t he? (this one keeps Gommy awake at night as he
agrees with both sides of the coin!! ( its like putting an Irishman in a
barrel an telling him there is £5 in the corner)).
Moving on to the intermediate
disagreements, for the team that thinks it has mastered the art of
bickering and is ready to move up a notch. These include:-
• What colour is beige?
• Why does Martin Pinder insist on wearing the same colour pants and
socks? Will it come to us all?
• What colour card should Barry have had in that game?
• What colour is Barry's hair? (This one also leads to a whole host of hair sub
contentions, such as; did he do that himself? Does
his hairdresser have any eyes? Is that colour even recognised by Dulux?
Has he ever seen a Harry Potter film?)
• Is it ok, no matter what the official line from every fashion house
in Christendom is, to wear clothes all of the same colour, regardless of how
popular, all at the same time? Or is that showing an unhealthy
obsession with the colour of poo?
If colour is not your thing other
intermediate negotiations can be had around:-
• How does Dickie managed to get lobbed by Thomas Pinder every week in
the warm up before the game? Even when he know it is coming as Tom is
sometimes kind and takes 5 minutes to set it up!!
• How does Martin Pinder eat so much?
Next of course come the really hard core hard core ding dongs!! these should not be used by lower elevens unless the first 2 sections of this piece have been read and mastered (or if there is a dire emergency and team spirit needs to be got and got fast, e.g. Ed Pentecost is trying to use that ridiculous box 5 formation again (and has just finished trying to explain it in the pre match talk), or Pete McCardle has returned to the club and been picked to play in your team).
The 1st XI have had years of practice
at this level of debate and even then only do it in the safe
controlled environment of the club house. These are dangerous debates
that could in fact lead to too much team spirit and therefore
promotion to a higher league (we believe the women have mastered this
for a good few seasons, but we did not want to show off!!), you have
been warned!! Examples include:-
• Bitter or lager jug?
• Is the Navy (or the Beige for some of our players) the only
occupation worth considering?
• Is Stuey Gray taking a leaf out of Dean's book and paying an escort
agency for occasional services on cup days? And is that why he looked
so pleased and seemed to have more money after we were knocked out?
• Will Barry be able to spell his daughter's name?
• Who is the best left back in the league?
• Is the Power of Love the best song ever written?
• Does Gommy get lost on the way to his bathroom?
• Why doesn’t donkey boy faint when he reads playboy? And finally
• Who was last seen holding up the pipe?
What people must realise however is when you look back over all the debates that have led to the first elevens unbreakable bonding (I said bonding Leon!!) what stands out this year above others is that the debating has happened in the clubhouse over things happening off the pitch (you will not find an example of hockey being mentioned!!), this is where teams are made and where they fall, if we have a divided dressing room before the game the opposition have already won, and this season, the season we have been promoted, we have been united on the pitch for being united off it.
Believe it or not all the points made above have served to create tolerance, understanding and willingness to accept each others qualities for what they are and not what they are missing. This has translated on the pitch to thinking such as I know he could have given the ball earlier, harder etc… but he tried his best and he made up for it with those stunning tackles!!! And I thank all of the players that I have played with in this season for making it one of the most enjoyable for a long time and one that I will look back on with much fondness. (Sorry for the slushiness - was distracted away from my hard exterior as my face pack was itching).
However, having read back over what I have written, I do feel that I have done the team an injustice, for there is indeed one thing that we can all agree on. The fact that even an overweight snail with a bad case of angina loaded up with full camping equipment as it is about to go on a 4 day hike into an oncoming hurricane force wind up a mountain-like gradient would still reach its destination faster than a sprinting Henry Sparling.
Ken Mackness (Thanks for that Ken. Would all you other budding writers please note that this year's allocation of exclamation marks is now exhausted)
8 March 2006
Dear OWHC,
I read with great interest the 1st XI match report of 4 March and the reference to the skipper's new nickname of Mr Hanky - my understanding is that this nickname was tagged on the basis that he was wearing a rather fetching brown ensemble after the game.
I thought it right and correct to write and defend the captain (who the writer of the report quite rightly points out has been an inspirational leader throughout the season, a loyal servant, and a pretty good left back at that !!). If one refers to any fashion publication or clothing catalogue they will be aware that brown is in fact one of the top 5 colours dominating Autumn and Winter Collections for 05/06 !!
In addition, looking at the
psychological characteristics of the the colour brown, a leading
anlayst writes: "Brown usually consists of red and yellow, with a
large percentage of black. Consequently, it has much of the same
seriousness as black, but is warmer and softer. It has elements of the
red and yellow properties. Brown has associations with the earth and
the natural world. It is a solid, reliable colour and most people find
it quietly supportive - more positively than the ever-popular black,
which is suppressive, rather than supportive. Positive
Characteristics: Seriousness, Warmth, Nature, Earthiness, Reliability,
Support." Good qualities for your captain I think ??
Yours faithfully,
Anon.
Ps - As a keen follower of the 1st XI over the years I am quite surprised to see that Gus Brady hasn't featured in any best XI's of all time - in most season's he has consistently been the best left back in the league ???
1 March 2006
Can't argue too much with Jeff's selection although I would include Barry Mackness - as much natural talent as Chris Bassano-Harper. Fortunately rolling subs and a squad of 16 these days allows me to select the following - Gurney, Cooper, Hirons, Routledge, Doust T, Doust J, Bassano-Harper, Shepherd, Mackness B, Grunwell, Hills, Pentecost, Good, Gray, Edwards, Robinson.
Another interesting game would be the best Old boys side against associate members' side when you consider the following who have played/are playing for the club - B and K Mackness, Paul Brivio, Grunwell, Edwards, Chris White, Nigel Stenning, Kevin Beard, Chris Dockwray, Paul Latham( bless him - player/coach!) and others that I have probably forgotten.
Martin Pinder
22 January 2006
Thought you might like to get a "mass debate" going with all the willies for 2006! Obviously times have changed so much and memories fade, but many current members still can recall halcyon days. Let's see if anyone can come up with the definitive XI for the club. Here's mine for starters, obviously biased towards players I have played with but also watched in my Dad's era, so quite wide ranging:
GK - Gurney - Just pips
Cooper on grounds that he wore less gear to protect himself and never
touched me in the showers!
Hirons - You would never have this man out of your team. The
most intimidatory player in OW history and best Corner striker. Looked
like Jesus, played like God.
Good - For the goal in the Kent Cup final alone. Leagues above
Jonny Critt's T Wells goal.
Esterson - Dissed by many, but beaten by few on the
pitch.
Routledge (Dave!) - Versatile, talented and crazy. Name a
great OW performance over last 30 years and Dave has been in it.
Pentecost - You only have to see his commitment now to imagine
what he was like in his younger days. BRILLIANT!
Pinder - The best player I have played with at OW's. Moany old
git though.
Hills - For all the lifts he gave me in my younger days and for
his performances in 1992 league winning side.
Doust (T) - Apparently the greatest player most people in
the Medway Towns have played with or against. Only saw him in his
later years but he was alright then. Plus he's my Dad or so Mum tells
me.
Shepherd - Goalscorer supreme. The old man raved about him so
he must have been good. Frightened me when I was a child, but not in
the Rob Cooper sense.
Grunwell - Won possession more than anyone I've ever
played with and fastest runner at short corners I have seen.
Just pipped at the post were: Cooper, Avery (not about
long enough), Bassano-Harper (same as Avery), Race,
Hearn, Robinson, Nixon (all before my time),
Edwards (homosexual), Doust J (likewise).
Jeff Doust. (So what does the rest of the club think about Jeff's selection? Your views on alternative All-Stars team members are very welcome)
7th January 2006 : (Via email)
Oh my God, a website! I can remember when the only organ of communication was OWCH! Tipped off by Mr Futter’s Christmas card, and suitably aided by Google, I have tracked you down from the wastes of West Cumbria – and am suitably impressed.
It’s 30 years (yes, really) since my debut for OW 5th’s – a 5-1 drubbing at Anchs I seem to remember –and yet so many of those names that seemed to be approaching ‘veteranhood’ then, still seem to be around, which must surely prove, despite what Gillian Mckeith might say, that beer, sausage rolls and beans in the Horse and Groom really must be good for you.
My hockeying days are now sadly over - my one claim to fame is captaining Whitehaven 1st XI (as sweeper!) ~10 years ago, in their best league season. ‘Unfortunately’ this got us into the NW league structure meaning a typical away game involved 6 hours travel on a Saturday, which started to sap my enthusiasm, and I now have the excuse of a Consultant warning of cartilage operations if I do anything silly.
Still, Gomme junior (now 8) is having hockey coaching at school, and can already hit the ball as hard as me (I know, I know), so we’re just about keeping the flag flying.
I expect I’m boring you already, and hadn’t intended to write an epic, so I’d just like to wish all the best to those that remember me for 2006, and wish you all well for the rest of the season,
Cheers
Robin Gomme (Note from Webmaster : It's nice to see that some of our former players are still following our progress. Any of Robin's contemporaries wishing to contact him can obtain his email address from me).