Barry	Charge!	Josh	Kingy attacks	Tony saves	Tony saves point blank

	Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	Martin Futter Footer, Futz, Fuchs. Goalkeeper. "He’s awesome" , "Great saves". Fuchs has one of the best nicknames in the club, best pronounced after a few pints. After a season playing a right back has reverted back to his natural position as goalkeeper for his 114th season. Still as agile as ever, always manages to stick out a leg to make the save, or is that rigger mortis setting in? Being the oldest in this really really old team!!!		Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary : Speciality:	Charlie Smith “80’s football mullet” “son of dork” Sweeper. “I don’t own any blue shorts” Like a silent ninja he always strikes in the right places robbing the attacking team of the ball in critical times, however due to his silent nature his team also don’t know he is even there, often leading to some comedy collisions!!! Ghosting around like the wind.
	Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	Rob Tear Hulk Hogan, Triple H, Stone Cold Rob Tear etc. Left Back “Hello ladies” “I’m a professional wrestler” I hear he Thinks he’s a ladies man at sixth form, but heard from some sources (that I'm not going to mentioning on the basis I don’t want to get Andy Routledge and James Pentecost in any trouble) that the girls think he’s a right joke! On the pitch though he’s a bit of trouble and always is annoying the old boys on the opposite team, often causing him self to end up on the floor or cards being released by the umpires. Last season caused a Royal Rumble which ended in an abandoned match!!!!!!! Roundhouse kicking and leg dropping.		Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	James Moise Ashley Cole Right Back “Looked good coming up the back” “He played well” Industrious defender, that if he continues playing well could find himself at the centre of a tapping up row with the 2nd XI. Works the wings and plunges forward well, quickly develops a good relationship with whoever is in front of him!!! Secret meetings at restaurants with hold it… not Peter Kenyon but Loaf and Wallace.
	Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	John Reeves Wannabe popstar, lost member of Busted Right back or Centre back “I’ve been to the year 3000, not much has changed………”, “You have to pay a match fee?” I’m hoping that Jon Reeves and Charlie Smith don’t start hanging around with each other as they would look like they are trying to be the next Mc Fly with their rather gay, long hair . Jon never stays after a game, but that is becoming more of a problem as most people are becoming afraid that Andy Routledge will ask for their numbers. Vanishing without a trace at the sound of a final whistle.		Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	Adam Tyrell The next squirrel Left Midfield “I am better than my mum, honest….” Constantly trying to get out his mums shadow, a member of the notorious Tyrell family that are trying to take over the club. Has a very talented younger brother also, but with his speed of thought and quick passing he is loved by all forwards and in no danger of being the worst Tyrell in the club, well until Dan quits. Speed of thought, sobering up his mum and other ladies 1st XI members when they return from tour.
	Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	Chris Skinner Lurch, Peter Crouch, Lankey Doo Dar Centre back or defensive midfielder. “I’m so unfit”, “What is my role again? What should I do when? What about if….” Taller than a really tall thing and more unfit than a really really unfit thing, Chris is a welcome addition back to the club following university (obviously doing lots of drinking and eating, without much walking!!). Currently works in the gambling industry, but I wouldn’t bet on him missing a tackle this season, just not making it to the end of the game!!! Hanging around after the game to give out his telephone number, banging his head on chandeliers.		Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	Robin Harris “Bomber” “The only gay in the village” Midfield or up-front “When I did my coaching course….” “Well it all depends” “Sorry I’ve got Air Cadets this week” Robin is often the largest presence on the field. He’s known for his hopeless defending. This does not bode well for his career as a barrister. Having said this in attack, week in week out he is often out scored by his other half who plays in the ladies 1st XI. She is definitely out of his league. Playing second fiddle to his more talented missus.
	Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	James Pentecost Son of God 1 Attacking midfielder “My Dad's the Chairman, I can get James Gomme to do what ever I want”, “That was hard Dave” I’ve never herd him say he likes women, or complain like Andy Stoute about lack of groin exercise. Last year’s young player of the year and appearances as yet this season only show improvement. Does this one trick all the time where he always goes right, and even after the opposition states this throughout the game it continuously happens. Making the most of his Dad's influence to win awards, going right.		Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	Jon Wright Bon Jovi, Juan Pablo Angel, Rog Federer Left winger. "I’m in a band you know", "my groin's got gills" With his long wavey locks last season, looked like he should have been playing with an Alice band, hence the aliases. This season however it looks like he’s playing through the pain barrier having been diagnosed with Gillmore's groin. We are all wondering what he will do if Gillmore wants it back!! Has a tendency to wander in field, however lightning pace and extreme bravery make up for any short comings, except maybe in the hair department. Appearing to have no pain threshold, and managing to keep hair out of his eyes without using any support.
	Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	Andy Stoute “Stoutey” “Fat Carl Hooper” Right back, Centre back, Left back. He's turning in to William Gallas! “I haven’t done any groin exercises in months” “Yes wife, no wife three bags full” One funny guy great to play with when your winning or losing he always upbeat and has something funny to say. He’s used to playing up-front but a switch into defence has seen him put in some great performances. I think he has it in his head that the ball is the reason for his lack of groin exercise, installing the motive in him to win it, and hit it as hard as he can! Soon to be father, he’s already making a great wife, he’ll do great! Getting home on time for the missus, eating		Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	Andy Routledge 118 118, Asbo Right Wing “There’s new regulations……” “Shut up dad” “Did you see that game two years ago when….” “I was watching the hockey world cup the other day and…..” He’s got a mate who spoke to a girl once! He knows the most boring facts there is to know and recently has been found to be asking for men’s numbers, yes men’s numbers after games. He is very hard working when on the pitch but can’t tackle. (Which is still better that Stephen Renton who I don’t think has ever made a tackle!) If you ever get the privilege, yes I said privilege to play with him and his dad in the same game there will be no need to wear ear plugs as they are the most civilized, calm people in the world and never raise there voices at all! Opening jars of Vaseline, calming his dad down in heated situations, honest…
	Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	Mark King Kingy,  Iraqi, Gareth. Striker. ”Alright, Gay. Pint of bothered please” Not afraid to show his love for other men, Mark is the love “n” hugs captain of the 3rd XI. Never giving less than 100% on the pitch, Captain Kingy leads by example. Just as well his comrades don’t take much notice, otherwise the whole team would be falling over every five minutes, or injuring themselves chasing lost causes. Despite this propensity for self-harm, his goal average is excellent and last season’s tally is rivalled only by his number of nocturnal conquests for the same period. Will and Gareth tribute night with Stu		Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	Nick Sandhu The Flick, Parm. Left wing. “Have a rest yourself” Nick is the reverse blade king. With his specially-made stick Nick launches hockey balls into side nettings, over fences, at player and spectators, and sometimes even into the goal. Now into puberty, Nick’s trademark lack of respect for authority is gradually improving as he realises that getting sent off for dissent isn’t big or clever, and increasingly his hockey does all the talking… yeah right. Inflicting facial injury upon opposing defenders.
	Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	Stephen Renton Rent boy, Surfer dude. Striker. "I’ll write the match reports, honest…" "line! line!” I’d make a great Left back, you want to know why?" Steve is Mr Rapid as having only taken up hockey last season he has had a rapid rise to the 3’s this season. He is also the most rapid on the pitch, and according to his girlfriend his rapidness and great stamina does not stop there!! Often seen with blurs behind him due to his impressive pace, will bag many goals this season, but will not make one legal tackle. Talking about how great Jose Mourinho is, yawn!!! Bamboozling defenders.		Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	Dave Routledge Dog the bounty hunter – keeps a close eye on ASBO’s. Striker "Win something" "hit it hard", "I said hit it hard (as Pentecost plays the ball at his stick, alowing it to fly past him at 200 miles per hour!)" Dave has had a distinguisged hockey playing career and like Roy Keane, has now turned his hand to managing the 1st XI. This seems to be a good move as he has been coaching his son since a nipper and they now enjoy a fantastic on field relationship. However he occasionally turns out for the 3rd XI to disperse the benefit of his vast experience to the youngsters, you never know it may come in handy knowing how to play on grass!!! Motivation, player development, inspiration etc…
	Name : Aliases : Position : Quote : Summary: Speciality:	Ken Mackness All the gear, no idea,  De management No where he’s rather useless. Other than that he’s the 3rd XI manager. "We need to have the square option, the diagonal option the forward option all the time." "Yea, follow me I know the way there." I took him to a football match once - best seats in the house, right on halfway line, but he kept moaning and moaning until we moved behind the goal. This shut him up for a bit, but he shrugged his shoulders and sulked for the rest of the day. Writing self glorifying profiles of himself that will never be published here!