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Old Williamsonian Hockey Club

1st XI

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Captain : Barry Mackness

2008

DATE

Opposition

Venue

Result

SEP 6
Tournament
F H - -

13
-
- - - -

20
Sutton Valence 1
F A 11:30 D 3-3

27
Anchorians
F A 1:30 W 4-3

OCT 4
Eastbourne
L H 1:30 L 0-7

11
Worthing
L A D 4-4

18
Old Bordenians
L H 1:30 W 4-0

25
Tunbridge Wells
L A W 5-1

NOV 1
Blackheath
L A W 5-4

2
Plymouth Uni [CUP]
C H 1:00 W 5-0

8 Herne Bay L H 1:30 W 4-3

15
Marden Russets
L A D 3-3

22
Horsham
L H 1:30 D 1-1

29
BBHC
L A 2:00 L 1-6

30
Henley [CUP]
C H 1:00 L 0-3

DEC 6
Kings College London
L H 1:30 L 1-2

13
Folkestone
L A L 2-3

20
-
- - - -

2009

JAN 3
-
- - - -

10
-
- - - -

17
Eastbourne
L A 3:00 L 2-5

24
Worthing
L H 1:30 L 2-6

31
Old Bordenians
L A 10:30 L 2-3

FEB 7
Tunbridge Wells
L H 1:30 - P

14
Blackheath
L H 1:30 L 2-7

21
Herne Bay
L A 2:30 W 3-1

28
Marden Russets
L H 1:30 L 2-3

MAR 7
Horsham
L A 1:30 L 0-2

14
BBHC
L H 1:30 L 1-3

21
Kings College London
L A 3:00 W 5-4

28
Folkestone
L H 1:30 W 4-2

APR 4
Tunbridge Wells
L H 1:30

To download fixture lists for this season click here.

Match Report 28-03-09

Old Williamsonians 4 : Folkestone 2

Like Herve Villichaize in the Bond film The Man With The Golden Gun, Kenny Mackness stole the show with a hat trick of sorts, a man of the match performance, a crazy yellow card followed by a Jack Doust like strop and a pair of pants that had clearly seen better days.

With Neil Thompson having swanned off to Barbados for the weekend (he said Barbados, but given the content of last week's report, he's probably on the Isle of Wight) and Gary Bage injured in a training ground accident, OWs took the opportunity to call up Ashley Pentecost, captain of OWs U16s team, who has been a consistent performer in the 2s throughout the season. He showed enough in the time he was on the pitch to suggest that OWs have unearthed another excellent young prospect for the future. Now that OWs are out of the Vets cup, Jeff Doust replaced Thompson at sweeper and received 1 man of the match vote from the perceptive and intelligent James Gomme. Andy Routledge also returned after injury having ensured his starting place by causing said training ground injury to Gary Bage.

The first half was frenetic. Folkestone started the better and Chris Mold was kept busy. They took the lead with a deflected goal and their movement up front caused some issues for the makeshift OW defence. However, OWs soon found their feet and created chances, with K Mackness grabbing an excellent equalising goal. The first half got a bit scrappy and Folkestone regained the lead from a corner which should have been cleared by OWs, but by the same token OWs were indebted to Barry Mackness for a fantastic goal line clearance. Stuart Gray ended up being yellow carded towards the end of the first half and OWs had to realign the side again, with K Mackness moving to the centre of midfield. His display there while Gray was taking a breather and up until Mackness himself got a yellow in the second half was outstanding and changed the game.

At 2-1 down at half time and down to 10 men, OWs faced a struggle to get back in the game, but a half time talk about taking personal responsibility, standing up and being counted and being men had an amazing effect. Folkestone seemed to have run out of steam up front and Kenny Mackness scored his second very soon after the start of the second half and with Gray back on, OWs soaked up an attack and scored on the counter through Barry Mackness to take a 3-2 lead. With a couple of Folkestone players getting yellows and K Mackness taking a breather for his strop the game opened up and more chances were created through the toils of lone striker Chris Coomber, who found the Folkestone keeper in some excellent form. James Pentecost meanwhile just found the Folkestone keeper and fell over him - twice. The breakthrough finally came when K Mackness, suitably refreshed, claimed a dubious hat trick by aiming wide of the goal and hitting a Folkestone defender's foot to deflect it in to make the final score 4-2 to OWs.

It was a performance well received by OWs hardy supporters who came out in their tens to support the side in a mixture of weather conditions, although one supporter of a certain vintage, who shall remain nameless but looks like Kilroy Silk and has a son in the side who was playing sweeper suggested that 2 of Folkestone's goals should have been disallowed, one in the first half and one in the second. His long suffering son did point out to him that Folkestone didn't actually score in the second half, bless him!

Man of the match went to Kenny Mackness and divot was claimed by Andy Routledge, more for his dismantling of the Bage in training than for his performance in the game. A true club man, Gary Bage turned up to support the side sporting a fractured cheekbone and a huge black eye. Jeff Doust did a Mike Gatting special and asked him where the ball hit him. Gary pointed to his black eye...

Team: Mold, Doust, Gomme, Routledge, Lee, Coomber, Moise, Gray, Pentecost J, Pentecost A, Mackness K, Mackness B

Match Report 21-03-09

Kings College 4 : Old Williamsonians 5

Several times this season the first eleven have managed to turn seemingly innocuous away games into road trips full of adventure, tears, laughter and bonding. Saturday was not one of those times.

In the absence of Jeff “Bing Bong” Doust, Brenda Thompson took on the mantle of team organiser (mainly because skipper Stuart Gray, who was designated organiser, left all the carefully laid plans on his e-mail at work) and started doing a fabulous job.

Firstly, due to the fact that we only had 11 players (Andy Routledge managed to get himself run over in the week) he managed to cram the whole team into just 2 cars, a plan of action clearly designed to please Clive the club treasurer as there was less petrol money to pay.

However not everyone was happy with this arrangement as Chris Coomber missed out on the chance to challenge his Sat Nav around the streets of Greater London and was forced to jump in with Brenda. Not wanting to have brought the Sat Nav in vain though he did manage to use it to locate an empty parking space 15 feet behind his car, which he found almost immediately using the new fangled technology and slid into it with ease.

With Chris safely parked and the 2 cars full we set off from the school, to arrive at Crystal palace two and a half hours later. Yes this is not a typo 2.5 hours later. The ruthless efficiency shown by Neil thus far during the day lasted until he drove out of the school gates. If I were to hazard a guess I would say that Neil’s favourite hardware store was B and Q, his favourite jam is traffic, his favourite garden is Kew, his favourite game is pool because of the implement he uses to play it (yes Gommey, a cue).

“Tom Tom” Thompson (who is collecting nicknames by the week) decided that he knew a short cut. This “short cut” involved taking in a tour of every Greater London town centre, which in actual fact led to a 2.5 hour journey at an average speed of 3 mph.

At one point we were in a queue so long Sarah Ashdown was able to get out of the car, saunter to a not very nearby ice cream van, buy a 99 with a flake and saunter back to the car, with the car having only made 3 spaces…. Another queue went so slowly a 4 person game of monopoly on Barry’s phone was completed whilst we were in it.

You may wonder how a group of 6 men and one woman trapped in a Ford Galaxy for 2.5 hours would pass the time…. Well let me tell you it isn’t like you are thinking. Things started off quite normally, conversations about Moisey’s mum, Sarah telling Barry off etc… But after the second day, sorry hour, the delirium started to set in. Stuart Gray told us all about his Kitchen appliances and a neat little egg boiler he brought recently, Jamie Moise started making animal noises at any female that moved outside the car (I believe the phrase he used at one point was oi oi tiger…) this however annoyed his life partner James Pentecost who sat in a huff and started counting the amount of launderettes, dry cleaners and ironing services there were available in each of the numerous towns and hamlets that we were fortunate enough to queue in and finally Graham Lee (who rather worryingly was driving) started insisting that all vegetarians did not smoke.

Going into the third hour the hunger set in and with it the irritability, leading to conversations about which we should kill and eat first, Stewey would last longer, but should we eat so much before a game? Maybe Kenny would be a smaller lighter snack? Once we had run out of queues in London to join and small town centres to visit, “Tom Tom” took us to the venue and we were only 5 minutes late (we would have been on time but when everyone disembarked from their respective vehicles they spent 5 minutes kissing the ground and rejoicing that they could again feel their legs and buttocks (there must be a Moise/Pentecost joke here but I can’t think of one right now…))

With only 11 players and no warm up the team expected nothing of themselves, which is why at half time they found themselves 4-1 up, great goals from Bage (2), Moise and Barry and a wonderful if not sensationalist flick save from man of the match Chris Mold.

Enter Brenda for the half time team talk, which went something like “I would be severely disappointed if we let in any sloppy goals this half and let them back in it”. This led to a second half loss of 3-1 (despite a Kings player seemingly falling over his own feet when trying to take a free hit from the side and not being able to play the rest of the game (the Routledge of his team perhaps?)), but Willies did enough to hold on for the 3 points with an eventual 5-4 victory, the one being scored from the penalty spot by Barry after a great run by the Monk.

Victory made the 45 minute (yes 45 minute) drive home on the motorway all the sweeter. Once back at the club house a team bonding Chinese was ordered (by the now rake thin Moise), Chris Coomber read out all his divot votes (ironically Brenda “Tom Tom” Thompson had escaped divot for not using a Sat Nav and it went to Chris Coomber who did!!!) and we sat around contemplating if anybody would have made it to work on Monday morning if Neil had led on the journey home….

Match Report 7-03-09

Horsham 2 : Old Williamsonians 0

At the risk of a blatant plagiarisation of Jane Austen, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a man in possession of the new rules of hockey must be in need of a good thrashing at his own game. In the true English tradition the Old Williamsonian new rules of Hockey were made up to suit Old Williamsonians but when given to the world, or in this case Horsham, the cheeky blighters hand out a battering! Unlike OWs, Horsham managed to win the game under both old and new sets of rules, so it has to be back to the drawing board, or alternatively a simple wait for the new proposed FIH rules to come in next season. These new rules seem specifically designed to assist OWs in that firstly, you may pass to yourself from a free hit (ideal, as most OW players seem incapable of passing to another player in their team) and secondly, that any free hit inside the 25 must not be played directly into the circle (perfect as OWs have never scored in this way in the history of the game). If they bring back offside, we'll be sorted!

This was some of OWs players second trip down to Horsham in 7 days, having been slaughtered 4-1 by Horsham's mixed team last week. 2 of those who played in that game (Barry and Kenny Mackness) were mysteriously unavailable. Barry Mackness is currently undergoing some regression counselling following his being completely rinsed by one of Horsham's female players throughout the course of the mixed game. This counselling included going to watch a children's show called the Lion King meaning he was "unavailable" for the game.

In many ways OWs could take a lot from their defensive performance and they were only broken down in the last 10 minutes from a barrage of short corners. Chris Mold was man of the match for an outstanding (rubbish under new now defunct OW rules) display in goal and was assisted bravely by Neil Thompson and Stuart Gray. Andy Routledge wore a headband and so was sent off, but aside from that he continues to develop well. Graham Lee made a great goal line save and avoided a yellow card after a blatant tackle, by running away from the umpire and hiding - genius! Gary Terminator* Bage threw himself everywhere yet came off the pitch with his skin intact. James Pentecost and Jamie Moise's off pitch partnership is slowly developing on the pitch. Chris Coomber was largely isolated up front but was unlucky with a couple of chances. Jeff Doust resolved to put an exercise regime in place to avoid further embarrassment at this level.

When you have a terrible game, you tend to focus on other matters like the fact that 2 OW players had the same number on their shirts and this was confusing despite one playing up front and one in defence and the game going on without any issue for 65 minutes before you noticed this and complained to the umpires. Build a bridge, get over it and move on!

James Gomme announced after the game that he represented England at Judo when he was 8 in the under 21 kgs category. The writer has checked age/weight children's charts and this is around the average weight of a 7-8 year old so to avoid legal action by the notoriously litigious Gomme, apologies for saying he was fighting against 2 year olds. James Gomme's next fight is against Jack Doust, OW clubhouse, 14th March 2009. No spitting.

Team: Mold, Thompson, Routledge, Gray, Lee, Gomme, Pentecost, Moise, Bage*, Doust, Coomber

Action from the Kings College game on 6-12-08 (photos kindly supplied by Pete Wright);