Letters

20 November 2008

Sir,

In response to "A happy Lady", might I suggest that when a Ladies' team wins the annual OWHC quiz night for the third year in succession that then they might have something to brag about?

Yours,

A knowledgeable Gentlemen.

18 November 2008

Hey Kenny,

Great quiz night Saturday - apart from the quiz itself had a terrific time ! Well supported, well run , shame about the winners - they are getting too smug.

From our team and I'm sure everyone else a huge thank you for your efforts - much appreciated, I know how much time they take to set up.

Cheers also Dickie for combining his Bar duties with his marking duties so ably. Also to our favourite yummy-mummy and her helpers.

Thanks all from all of the Club.

Pete Meyers.

7 November 2008

Hi Pulse,

To all the guy's at the club who just have to brag , Well chaps what about a bit of bragging from the Ladies section then ,that's if you can take it !!!

The Ladies 1 ,as most of you know, has had a fantastic season so far winning every single game, not one point has been dropped .

The Ladies 2 has had a much improved season , currently joint 3rd place in the division that they very nearly bombed out of last season.

I think it all speaks for it's self really fellas , and we don't have to stand in the clubhouse and brag about it all our match reports do it all for us.

You 1st XI guys obviously don't read the other XI's reports! Not 3 weeks ago Dave Routledge scored a hat - trick from sweeper !

Also, in my pomp in the mid to late 70's [sic] I twice scored twice in the same game from left back - OK, they were penalty- strokes and Dave's were short corners but I bet Dave has several other such credits to his name. You may like to know that one of my efforts was against Holcs 1st XI - any of you current guys match that and the milky bars will be on me!! Must go and find some more memories for the next 1st XI challenge.

Todays quiz question - How many times was Russell Race sent off in league matches in Sussex? Answers on a postcard or over a beer in the Clubhouse to me. Keep the good form going guys - the Club are proud of you.

Saturday’s 1st XI performance got me to thinking this week about how sometimes matches can be drawn (or possibly one day won) by shaking up pre-match preparation. Freshening up the “samey” approach to matches might pay dividends and is there a lesson somewhere that can be shared amongst all the elevens.

Although the 1st XI didn’t really do all that much different on the pitch, the worm did indeed turn on Saturday, with a number of things going the complete opposite way to the previous week, more by accident than by design.

Obvious differences were that it was an away match and the sun was shining. This may have had an impact on the next amazing turnaround, everybody finally turning up on time (for once). Was it that they were enthusiastic about a nice drive down to the coast? Or was it that Jefferies was strengthening the second team this week?

Contrary to many away trips of distance we arrived at the opposition’s ground with only an hour to spare before the game was due to start, not even enough time to have a look around the local supermarket (damn it!!).

My car trip was rather insightful as having changed jobs and therefore company car, to what must now be called Molds shuttle, Molds driving style has also become somewhat more serene and relaxed, the opposite of his aggressive style in the Rocket.

A trait he clearly took into the game as he calmly and serenely watched a short corner flick sail past his hand… (Even though I had given him practice with the exact same amazing drag flick a week before, a trait of my own, perhaps…)

The conversation in the car also took a somewhat unexpected and opposite twist with Jamie Moise, James Pentecost and Stuart Gray all requesting boyband songs to be played on the ipod in the car. This sparked a debate between them about which is the best boyband ever…. (and may go some way to explain Moisey’s after match attire and bizarre injury…)

It also led to a large number of the team having the Jackson 5 song “I’ll be there” in their heads during the game, which as a motivational piece of music appeared to work wonders… next week perhaps all teams should play a Michael Bolton ballad before the game? (I might be able to help the supply of such songs if any skippers are interested)

At this point I must also point out a clear vote rigging caveat to the man of the match decision as reported on the 1st XI page that occurred on this car journey.

Although Stuart Gray played very well, so did James Gomme and the man of the match vote was tied between the two at the end of the game. This means that the Divot gets the right to choose the man of the match.

Runaway divot this week was Jamie Moise, partly because I wasn’t wearing stupidly tailored sponsored underwear and I drove to the ground in some normal coloured insect free transportation, but mostly because Moise;
• Kept complaining of a bizarre, mysterious anus injury he has no idea how he acquired the night before,
• Quite clearly packed his after match clothing in the dark (no-one would deliberately wear a pink shirt with a floral collar would they?)
• Bears an unfortunate uncanny resemblance to pretty much every English sportsman who is doing well for themselves at the moment.

So with divot sewn up Moise gets to pick out of Stuey or Gommey who is man of the match. I am not saying that this swayed his decision in any way because as I have already said, Stuey did play well, but he also described in a fair amount of detail his wife’s breasts and how nice they are, in the car on the way to Worthing, with Moisey keenly listening.

This surely must have given him an unfair advantage within the voting system as Gommey is not even married. However when he does finally tie the knot, we are all eagerly awaiting a full account of Leanne’s bosoms on this website in a shameless attempt to win player of the season… (If anyone also has any photos please send them to Pulse on the OWHC admin address outlined on the home page)

In Moises decision making defence he is burdened with lovely smelling perfumed hair (it is apparently hereditary on his mother’s side) and a dangerous stalker for a future step dad (yes loaf that is you) so you can allow him a few judgmental off days.

Other remarkable opposites from the last game include the fact that not only did all of Old Willies stay on the pitch (ASBO was also strengthening the 2’s), but 3 of the opposition got sent off. That never happens and although it could be put down to the calming influence of the Jackson 5 or the relaxing scent of pine forest being emitted from Moisey’s hair, it is more likely that “new recruit” Neil Thompson, sets an example of how to remain calm when under pressure.

This must be in stark contrast to his home life. At this stage of the season we only really know 3 things about Neil which we managed to glean from him after training one day:-
• Firstly he as an athletic wife who is 5 years younger than him (she plays Hockey at a high level for Maidstone ladies)
• Secondly he works for Red Bull, the energy giving drink company, and can get as much energy giving Red Bull as he can carry at anytime (guess he needs it given the first point)
• Thirdly he has 2 children (expecting this number to rise rapidly given the first and second points)

The last and probably most spectacular turnaround was the fact that we scored 2 short corners in a game (a feat not seen since circa 1986) and even more bizarrely, the mis-hit one that went in was scored by Barry and the drag flick into the top corner was scored by Jeff.

A number of other things did however remain the same. Barry’s summary of the game and what we got from it being quite convoluted:- “well that’s 2 points we have not let Worthing gain that we have won from them by getting a point” (described by Donkey Boy as “Sheppey Logic) and Donkey himself driving direct, turning up a bit late in a shirt and tie.

Although we can probably forgive Donkey for being cautious and slightly scared of being near Brighton this week. I have it on good authority that whilst teasing his girlfriend (the lovely Tina) by taking her to lots of ring selling Jewellery shops and not buying anything on a family weekend down in Brighton, he bravely hid whilst 63 year old Donkey Dad was attacked by a mad bag lady. Needless to say Geoff won and she ran off (after what was described as a longer than it needed to be tussle….)

Clearly fearful of the same fate and without his aging dad or superman like brother (who just to reiterate is better than Donkey Boy at everything in every way possible, ever) to protect him he, was constantly looking over his shoulder all day…

Finally it took Barry again to complete bringing us back to more familiar reliable territory after the game, by letting the entire team know for a good half an hour whilst showering, that two games into the season and with a minus 7 goal difference, he is the teams top goal scorer, with 2.

This of course led to Jeff joining in with the familiar chant of “I am a defender and have still scored more than Kenny….”

Having now written this though, I am unsure if the days result wasn’t more luck than judgement and seemingly reverse preparation.

It may just have been because James Pentecost finally got rid of the devils cursed backwards shorts, by tricking his dad into wearing them. This meant he brought his dads shorts to fill (due to a cunning piece of hiding and pouncing when the tumble drier stopped) and once again in the 1st XI, during the week of Paul Newman’s Funeral, were blessed with a piece of fast Eddie…

A motley selection of regular and guest OW's attended the above Festival at the end of April/early May 2008 hosted by the excellent Prinsenbeek Club near Breda coinciding with the nearby local Jazz Festival. Out of a total of 21 Clubs the OW's finished a creditable 10th against a number of very decent regular veteran sides and scored some goals! The weather was brilliant, the organisation superb as ever in Holland, the company [except Bill Esterson over with Herne Bay] engaging a bit like Jackie and Pete Wright! [No offence meant Bill if you should read this!] Spread over 3 days 10 different sides were played in games of about 25 minutes so cramp and stiffness became an issue late in the day. In fact in our case it was an issue first thing in the morning as well. In patches, the OW's played some very decent hockey with Ed Morton and Clive Whittington prominent in midfield, and ,as ever Peter Wright always dangerous up front. Even Kevin Haselden [5th XI Captain extraordinaire] stopped the ball once! The OW's best performance was probably in their last match against a strong Eastcote side{when are'nt they?} narrowly losing a well fought encounter.

A terrific weekend was had by all I hope thanks to all who attended especially Kevin H who was principal organiser and to the drivers, Dick and Geoff [beer managers], Jackie, for being growly bear in the mornings and happy bear in the afternoons!

Tour Party: Chan Patel, Peter King, Pete Meyers, Paul Judge, Kevin Haselden, Peter Klein, Rav Choda, Ed Morton, Clive Whittington, Stuart Seymour{Vets Virgin], Peter Wright, Jackie C, Dick Whittington, Geoff Lee and the lovely Sue Klein [non masseuring masseuse!]

RESULTS.
v Olton and WW Won 4-2 Wright Whittington Choda Seymour
v Salisbury Strollers Lost 0-3
v Schwarz Weiss Pinguine[Cologne] Lost 0-1
v St Albans Centurions Lost 2-5 Klein Wright
v Thames Valley Won 4-0 Wright 2 Seymour Klein[pen]
v Bedford Achilles Draw 1-1 Klein
v Flamingos Won 3-2 Wright Klein[pen] Choda
v Nasty Purple Nasties[Bournemouth]-eventual winners- Lost 1-2 Choda
v Bangers Won 2-0 Wright Seymour
v Eastcote Lost 0-1.

Tales from bygone days – when sticks were made of wood and bullying started a game, not a court case.

Isn’t it great that each generation thinks they have ‘discovered’ something new? These lads from the 1st XI reckon it’s a big adventure to travel somewhere without sat nav, and worry about the location of the nearest supermarket? In my day, away games were adventures, and invariably ended in the pub, win or lose.

Coming home from Cliftonville one evening, I called into a petrol station on the Thanet Way, went inside to pay, and came out to find my amusing mates (Tim Wright had a hand in this, I recall) had driven off in my car. So I sat down at the side of the road to await their sheepish return. Along came a fellow in a damn great Cadillac Eldorado and offered me a lift. The front seat of this thing was about eight feet wide, and occupied by the driver and his very attractive girlfriend – who was I to refuse such a kind offer? I jumped in, and found that her parents were in the back, about 15 feet away. Off we barrelled down the road in pursuit of my car, only to see it belting back towards us. ‘There they are’ cried I, whereupon my new mate swung the beast round across the highway and set off in pursuit again.

By the time this behemoth built up some speed and got back to the petrol station, my team mates were already pulling out, figuring that I must have got a lift – so off we went again until the Yank finally caught up with my (curiously unworried) thieving friends.

Strangely enough, another trip to Cliftonville provided further ammunition to confirm that the ‘good old days’ were more fun. Travelling in convoy, for once, (yes, the Willies’ habit of meeting at the School like a team, then all belting off in different directions without clear directions is not a new phenomenon), I noticed that Pete Meyers’ car in front had a flat tyre. Meyers, of course, is so laid back that he probably thought it would be ok until the next service in three months time, so we gingerly pulled alongside and politely indicated that perhaps it would be a good idea if he were to pull in at the next lay-by. “Pull over you ***t”, is a close approximation of the exact words used, and can be completed as the reader wishes and according to the breadth of their vocabulary and imagination.

Meyers quickly got the message and, within ten miles, found a suitable spot to rest. Observing his right rear tyre to be knackered, he chucked all the kit bags out of the boot to find the spare tyre was equally flat, and bald to boot! It’s been like that for a while, says the hapless one, as four extra players piled into my car to attempt the final run to the seaside.

Working for a Ford dealer has usually meant that I’ve had access to some nice cars – an all-new Escort RS2000 comes to mind, that I proudly brought along to our New Road car park meeting place for some trip to Sussex. For some reason, the convoy all went via Wateringbury (probably to collect Clive Whittington) and got stuck in an almighty traffic jam. As the minutes to our start time ticked away, I made the executive decision that we’d have to change in the car on the way. The guy in the back managed to fold down some of the rear seat to access his kit, and got ready. As the traffic moved at crawling pace, my front seat passenger (Dave Tickner, I believe) climbed over to the rear and swapped places, drawing concerned looks from those behind. So far, so good. It was then my turn – handing the wheel of my new RS2000 to whoever it was in the passenger seat, I too climbed over and started to get undressed. Legs and elbows everywhere, I eventually got enough clothes on to take account of where we were and was concerned to find that, although we continued to crawl along at 15 mph in second gear, the rest of the traffic in front had cleared.

It was about then that it dawned on me that our ‘driver’ couldn’t actually drive.

I managed to scare Pete King almost to speechlessness one day – we we’re doubling up on two away matches, me to play, he to umpire – and the timing was a bit tight. Fortunately, I was running an Escort Cosworth at the time, Auralis Blue – I loved that car…. so was merrily belting down country roads when we came across a bit of a queue. No problem, thinks I, as we gun the Cossie down a fairly steep hill to clear the slower-moving vehicles. Remarkably, the one car coming the other way is another Cosworth, equally keen to get somewhere fast. Self preservation kicked in and we managed to avoid a very expensive coming together – but Kingy still remembers that moment!

Other classic awayday stories may have to wait, but who else can remember driving around Le Touquet on the roof of (the late) Keith Richens’ battered old Ford Zephyr? It had been a BBC camera car, so had footsteps set into the sides, and a little rail around the (strengthened) roof which we could hold on to with one hand whilst waving to the pretty French girls.… happy, pre ‘elf ‘n safety days.

Of course, travelling to Croydon with Kevin Haselden and receiving a call from Anchorians asking why we weren’t at our pitch was a prize time (we were a week early for Croydon..), arriving somewhere with two ‘keepers (but no kit for them) was a bit special, and I’m sure that a very well-known club man with two playing sons today once wrote the classic insurance claim “whilst turning right onto Star Hill, I hit the ‘no right turn’ sign”, after a training session made him extra thirsty.. Then there was the time that Russell Race clattered into the goal in trying to clear the ball and broke the frame so it collapsed around him - we had to wait for the game on the next pitch to finish so we could complete ours… why Russell didn’t see the funny side, I’ll never understand.

Kevin Haselden lost his trousers in Gravesend once, after pulling someone’s bag out of his estate car, leaving them in the middle of the road. He got lucky, though, as some kind woman found them and phoned him up to retrieve them. I, of course, managed to repatriate mine and Jackie’s passports when sending my hockey kit home early from Prinsenbeek a couple of years ago, the plan being to free up some boot space in my car for those of us that were staying for an extra day. So back to the UK came our passports in Kevin’s car – I wasn’t overly worried, thinking that he’d be able to provide the numbers or fax a copy out to us. I called him to find he’d left the bags at Cooling and driven to Oxford on a promise. Fortunately, the Customs lady took pity on us at Calais and accepted Jackie’s Tesco Clubcard as proof we weren’t drug smugglers.

Anyway, Kenny, you’ve got plenty of time ahead to experience the lighter side of awaydays with the Old Willies so keep us up to date with your travails in the Regional League next season.

Away With The Ones Well there you have it, another away game season draws to a close with some good moments, some bad, some not worth mentioning. Last weeks victory against Crawley marked the 1st XI's last away match of the season and, much like Kevin in the wonder years, I would now like to now give a sentimental look back over the little adventures that have been our away treks and give you a flavour of how much fun that part of the season has been. In fact often they are not so much away games as mini adventures, Road Trips if you will. Indeed that is what they felt like as no matter where we went, whether it be the depths of Sussex or to Anchorians, it seems that the meet time set by the skipper was 11 am for a 1.30 start making sure that the Road trip last's the whole day and we have some time to visit the local supermarket. His excuse for this is that Luke Jefferies is always late so if he says 11am then we might get to Anchorians by 1.30. I am not to sure of that, but I do know that if I were to waste a Saturday morning travelling to a place to get there really early and wait around for hours in the foyer of a supermarket, there is no better bunch of people that I could do it with. Well maybe the entire female cast of Hollyoaks, or the New York Giants Cheerleading Squad, or that fit women's team from Newhaven, you get the picture..... As is the way in all good Hollywood movies, Road Trips are filled with highs, lows, tender moments and more often than not, triumphs over adversity. The Willies 1st XI trips are no exception to this. Highlights include:- * Exploring pretty much all of greater London on our way to HSBC because the map straddled 2 pages in the map book and the road that we were following was obstructed by a staple, * Managing to get anywhere on such a measly petrol allowance (this baffles Chris Coomber every week) * Putting the 3 most geographically inept members of the team in the same car (which also happens to be the slowest) and then driving off at a vast rate of knots, leaving them to find their own way.(this is the equivalent of blindfolding a duckbilled platypus spinning it round 100 times and asking it to pin a tail on a Donkey, good sport but you know its never going to happen) * Luke Jefferies and railways, enough said (this is one of those triumphs over adversity moments for the lad, finding your way out of a station can be tricky, much easier to start trying to get out of a paper bag and work your way up....) But it's not just getting lost or waiting for the hydrogen fuel cell to be invented that makes our Road Trips so enjoyable. You get to find out so much more about your colleagues as well and a better bunch of folk you could not wish to walk round a supermarket in a different county with (except for the entire female cast of Hollyoaks etc....) Some of the more surprising discoveries of the season include Chris Molds stunt driving abilities and Jeff Doust's amazing ability to sniff out a bargain in any supermarket in the land (even if he is getting close to carrying on the Gus Brady mantle of champion of brown) Some of the more tender moments of the away day adventures have centred around James Gomme's stories of why his lovely now fiancé Leanne had slapped him on that particular morning. Favourites include slapping him because she reversed his car into a bollard, slapping him for describing to the team the fit new employee at his office in great detail and slapping him because he bought orange juice that was made from home grown English oranges, which everyone knows taste funny, just go to google and type in English oranges, this will tell you all you need to know. However it's the look in his eyes when he tells us of his morning slap before the 11 o'clock meet (yes that's right 11 o'clock) always starting the story with "don't tell Leanne I told you but...." I have never seen anyone recount so many stories of being beaten up by a woman with such affection and love in their eyes. The tenderest moment of the away game season though has to be awarded to Graham Lee. He finally broke down some barriers to his inner self on the last Road Trip, and it was quite touching to see the hard man sweeper finally get off his chest that no matter how hard he tries, how much of a success he makes of himself, how many goals he scores, how much money he spends on football memorabilia for his father or how big his trouser snake gets, he will always be second best to his brother in every way humanly possible, ever, ever.... especially in his parents eyes, ever. It was touching to see him in floods of tears (well it would have been touching if he was not at the wheel of car I was in at the time with him barely able to see where he was going due to his blubbering. That is really only the type of dangerous driving a professional stuntman or Chris Mold should attempt) telling the rest of the people in the car how much he wants and needs affection and love but is outclassed at every avenue by his Chinese studying younger brother who lives in Wales. (There is a Jerry Springer episode in there somewhere) There are many life altering moments in ones existence and I am privileged that I could be there to witness this one in Graham's. Remember mate, no matter how bad it seems, how much you may feel on your own or how inadequate you are in relation to your brother in every way, ever, we are all here for you buddy and can see you through it. Unless the entire female cast of Hollyoaks etc...make themselves available for selection, then we will drop you like a stone and watch you drown in your own self pity, but until then we are here for you. Other memorable moments include Gary Bage's first words (you never forget their first words do you) and the way Mark King has made such an effort with away games this season, he has really pulled his finger out, although that has become easier for him to do since they started supplying their own lube (maybe Jeff is not brown champion after all?). This season has seen a coming of age for James Pentecost, he passed his driving test and is now well on his way to getting his first girlfriend by the time he turns 30. Away games provide a much welcomed platform for the lad to receive advice from the team on the way to treat women, with the still married Stuart Gray (didn't see that happening, thought she could've done better by now!!) showing that he lays down the law to his missus by telling her that holidays can only happen between the days of Sunday and Friday (not sure he will be having sex for a while though). There are some people in the 1's though that prepare thoroughly for away games. Andy Routledge for example the night before games packs a whole bag of camping equipment, (just in case he finds himself in James Gomme's car with Luke Jefferies and Gary Bage (they could be missing for days)) he also marks on a map where the ground is, the nearest 4 hospitals to it, their specialisms and the quickest routes to them (just in case he tries to tackle anyone in the game). Admittedly these stories do not seem as much fun as the ones that we hear in the bar from days gone by, Terry Doust recounting how much easier it became to get to away matches after the wheel was invented and Peter Wright having us in stitches telling us about the day the wheel fell off the wagon and Clives horse refused to move, meaning they all had to jump into Geoff Lees new "horseless carriage" But ours are fun stories none the less and have defiantly added to my personal pleasure of playing this season with such a great bunch of lads. P.S. the willies 1st XI guide to Sussex supermarkets is now available, £11.99 in all good bookshops. Please consider the environment before printing this email.

Hey Pulse... Could you ,on behalf of all who attended , thank Kenny and his clan for a terrific race nite on Friday - it was a great crack and a good idea to keep the betting simple. The upshot meant a profitable night for the club and the bar. Well done Kenny, nice one and thanks to everyone from all the sections who attended. Cheers...

Hi to you all. Having now passed the half way stage of this season, I thought I would update you on some financial matters of the club.

Those of you who were at the AGM last year will know that it had not been possible to present any accounts for last season. I can advise you that they have been completed and are with our club auditor, Peter Meyers for auditing. After our large loss for the season 05/06, I am pleased to advise that the club finances have been stabilised and we have shown a small profit of just over £100.00 for the year. This was not without a lot of effort by me, in collecting monies owed from players during the summer. To give you some idea what was involved, I can advise you that I have collected over £400.00, after our financial year(31/7/07) ended. At this moment in time there are just two players, who owe money to the club from last season, between them they owe £156.50. The committee has decided not to allow either of these two to be selected for games until they repay their debt. I can confirm that all finance sheets for the year were accounted for.

Now after all this effort, I had hoped that there would be a better response on paying match fee's on the day of the game and all subs would be paid by the 31/10/07 for this season. Sadly no, despite much prompting from myself this has not happened. The current position after the first half of the season, with 3 finance sheets still outstanding from the 3rd team for November and 1 from the 1st team for December, is as follows:

There are a total of 19 players (all from the men's section) who owe match fee's - 2 of these players owe money from September.

There are 11 players(1 only from the ladies section, who has only just played 6 games, the number of games when players are expect to pay their sub's) who owe sub's.

This simply is not acceptable. I would ask these of you who owe these monies to pay up promptly when you are shortly chase for them.

When match fee's are not paid on the day of the game, this requires a lot of effort by officials of the club, namely your captain and myself, in having to keep a record of this debt and chase it up later. I would remind you all that the officials of this club give their time voluntary to carry out their duties and its not right that this added burden, which is not a pleasant job, should be added to their duties.

I would ask you all when getting ready for your game, that when you pick up your stick, you ask yourself "have I got my Match fee". Further how about making sure you pay your match automatically, with out the need for your captain to have to ask you for it. If you unfortunately miss paying one week, then please pay the following week, with out having to be chased.

Can I leave all you "in the men's section" with this question - How come there was not one missed match fee payment in both the ladies 1st and 2nd teams in the first half of this season!!!!!!"

PS one more moan. Peter put a lot of effort in sending out Club contact detail forms with his pre season letter, why is it I have only received 14 from the men's section and 8 from the ladies section. It is important that the club has up-to-date contact details, so that we can communicate with you. For instance, Kevin who arranged the Xmas inter club game would have found it much easier if he could email every one rather than ring round!!! Shortly I will be passing to your captains a re-issued form for those of you who have not returned yours yet. Could I please ask you to ensure the details on them are correct, amending as necessary and then give them back to your captain. Also I would request if any of your details change in the future please advise the club so that our records can be updated for you.

We are now some 10 weeks into the season, and your Chairman of Selectors, Stuart Seymour, your hard-working Captains, and I have sat through10 Wednesday evening meetings to agree 5 men’s teams for the following Saturday.

Every week to date, we have had at least a complete ‘team’ of players that have been unavailable for some reason or another. At one point we had 15 players unwilling to commit themselves.

If you are dedicated to your sport and your Club, you make yourself available – full stop. If you are not dedicated, you go shopping, or boozing, or whatever lame excuse you wish, but please do not expect to play when there are others who will turn up every week, for whatever eleven that they are asked to play for.

Striking tips - How people who do not understand all striking strategies may so easily confuse them with the characteristics of Divot.

Having read the 1st XI match report for the Folkestone game on the 8th September I feel inclined to point out a few facts that may have confused some team members and led them to incorrectly award their Divot vote.

Indeed Sun Tzu was a brilliant military strategist, and should not be one dismissed lightly, however the confusion in the striking tactics that were employed on Saturday for my return game were taken from "The Art of War" by Niccolò Machiavelli (can you believe there are two different books with the same title? A bit like the Hawkenbury thing it can lead to all manor of confusion), a much more modern take (by about 1000 years) on war strategies that is widely regarded as the basis for Napoleons victories, who conquered the world not just the city of Ying!! (What or where is Ying you may ask, exactly would be my reply)

Indeed Machiavelli states:- "The greatest remedy that is used against a plan of the enemy is to do voluntarily what he plans that you do by force" This would indeed explain missing an open goal from 12". Given the choice the opposition would want to force opposition players into missing the target from that distance. By missing voluntarily it affords a player more space in the D in future, to exploit their talents.

This is compounded by Machiavelli's assertion:- "There is nothing as likely to succeed as what the enemy believes you cannot attempt." A reference that can be demonstrated by the wide range of audacious passing manoeuvres that could come off using the extra space gained by that player, perhaps even setting up at least 4 of the 5 goals scored in a game, which when properly examined by misinformed players, should in fact reverse all Divot votes to Man of the Match votes.

Machiavelli also has wise words in the field of showing spirit and fire (that could sometimes be demonstrated in modern times by heated discussions with umpires) declaring:- "In the armies, and among every ten men, there must be one of more life, of more heart, or at least of more authority, who with his spirit, with his words, and with his example keeps the others firm and disposed to fight." Showing that if one player takes up an issue with an official it keeps the others from doing so and would at the very least demonstrate "life" and "heart" and be "using his words as examples". I can see how this may easily be confused as petulance and childishness. But, as I am sure you can appreciate when put in context, is exactly the opposite and so should be no where near a reason to award him a Divot vote, more a consideration to award him with a Man of the Match for an unparalleled act of heroism.

To be honest not taking up such issues goes against the further Machiavellian principle of:- "It is much better to tempt fortune where it can favour you than to see your certain ruin by not tempting it." Surely if this one player shows his "life" and "heart" to the officials enough and "tempts that fortune", an umpire will one day change his decisions in that players favour? Not doing so is "certain ruin".... I hope that by reading this and noting the difference between the two authors "Arts of War" (yes there are two different books of the same title, much like the same way there are two Hawkesbury's in Kent (and I still cant quite believe that)) you will agree that there is a fine line between awarding Divot and Man of the Match for those with less experience. I will forgive you all for this week, but please try and be more astute in future....

I was browsing through the pages of your sight and it brought back many memories to me. As an Old Williamsonian and also an ex hockey player ( I was the mad man who used to play in goal) it is great to see some ( well quite a few ) familiar faces ranging from ex classmates ( Graham Brady and Jeff Doust ) to ex teachers ( The one and only Martin Futter) to the trustworthy players that I used to have in front of me ( Brian Phipps, Peter King, to name a couple)

It is great to see that the club is still doing well although it seems strange to have OW ladies teams ( but that is progress for you).

I will keep an interested eye on the web as alas I now live in Leicester to see how the old school are getting on.

If anybody remembers me and wants to get in touch drop me a line at ( andrewjamesdbrown@hotmail.com)